A Letter on Life, Love, and Loss: Being A Business Owner When Life Sucks

By all accounts, 2023 was off to a great start. Any recession fears for this business were cast aside when referrals were rolling in, my team was engaged and excited with goals in line with mine, and I successfully undecorated my house in a timely manner. (I mean, that’s a win in and of itself). If you know me, you know I love nothing more than starting a year off with a fresh perspective. I had finished a great book over the holiday, started a new exercise program, and felt more empowered than ever in my health journey.

Then January 6th came.

Our family dog, Dixie, had been showing her 12-year-old age for some time now, but this was different. She couldn’t stand, hadn’t eaten in two days, and wouldn’t raise her head or untuck her tail. To the emergency vet we went.

8 hours later, we came home with a cancer diagnosis. That evening, a massive seizure that left her blind…. And the next morning, a burial. Fast forward two weeks to January 20 - another burial of our other dog, Millie, who had been hit by a car. She was only a year old. And now, yesterday, another two weeks in the future on February 5, our third dog Bob disappeared. (Update: he has since returned home… But the week he was missing was a long one.)

My heart aches with grief as I try to process their absence in our lives now. But alongside that grief, the world keeps turning. My infant niece has open heart surgery later this week. Family members are riddled with health issues and no immediate answers. Clients are facing personal and professional hardship. Our world is sad.

It’s not lost on me that one of my words of the year this year was balance: seeking a middle ground between life, work, and happiness. I wanted to find a way to do it all, be it all, and also strive for more, but I at least wanted to be able to rest somewhere in there. Isn’t that what every business owner wants? A little bit of both?

But how do we balance when one part of us is SO heavy it outweighs the other parts?

How do we maintain the pace in spite of life or loss?

How do we clear our brain to put our best professional foot forward?

We live in a culture that makes us feel like we have to be perfect, on, and ready at all times. My challenge to everyone, business owners included, is to embrace the grace of imperfection. I believe this can be done in a few ways:

1 - Be vulnerable and transparent.

Tell your team about your life. Share with them. Believe in their ability to carry it. Why? They’re people too. They need to see that you, as their leader, are a human being with real feelings, real experiences, and real challenges. You show up, but you aren’t always ready to lead or able to empower. Sometimes, you just need to have some grace.

2 - Give yourself the gift of time.

The greatest thing about email and electronic communication is our ability to simply say NO, CANCEL, or RESCHEDULE with the click of a button. You can provide comment, or you can simply say “my schedule changed and I’m not available” to the non-necessary moments. Mark yourself off of the calendar or as unavailable. Leave for lunch by yourself. Take the morning. It’s not going to stall progress. In turn, it might actually refresh you and do your business a favor.

3 - Breathe deeply.

When is the last time you took a sincere deep breath that you thought about and intentionally paid attention to? Do it. Right now. Close your eyes. Count to 5 while you inhale, hold for 3, count to 5 when you exhale. Do you feel the freedom in your chest now? If you need to, repeat it until that freedom comes… that lightness… that lack of weight.

4 - Listen to music, read a book, listen to a podcast, pray.

Sure, we discussed giving yourself time; but how you spend that time is just as important. Listen to music, read a book, or free your mind. Lay on the floor of your office and close your eyes. Just be. Exist. Experience the quiet. Or the music. Or the written word. Allow yourself to remain in that moment until

5 - Accept the kind words and gestures of others.

I know for me, it’s difficult to accept the kindness of others sometimes. It almost feels awkward… like you’re undeserving or shouldn’t… because you’re normally the one giving and not receiving. I get it. But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with allowing others to speak into our lives, do something nice for us, or simply accept a hug or smile.

As the world continues to turn, the economy continues to be unpredictable, customers keep changing their preferences and behaviors, and social media changes everything every day, business ownership gets increasingly difficult and decreasingly fulfilling sometimes.

At Stillwell+Co, we hear you, see you, and know you. It’s not lost on us what you’re facing. We are seeing it in every industry, every vertical, every category.

We feel your concern, and work diligently to address it. But what we also know is that you have to pursue peace in order to empower growth.

The future of your business depends on it.